New Years Eve Perspective ... from a grown up girl

Guess what? I'm back. After a quick break from all the Holiday eating, I have managed to work myself back into the groove of things. It's going to be a wonderful night with friends at the Hard Rock. I'm going to live the life and party hardy -- Shirley Temples and all.
I've got a few things I am dying to get off my chest. So, without further ado, here are my year end rants.

Do not schedule with me if you can't make it. At this point of our "getting to know each other" it will behoove you to stick with the time frame even if you have to move mountains to do it. Subsequently, do not try to haggle with my time and/or make me feel bad by saying: "I"ll just miss tennis then" cause, guess what? You are a grown man, you should have worked out the logistics before hand. So, guess what? You and I, we will never meet. Why? Cause, I said so.
* Lesson 1: First impression is NOT over rated. It's the only thing I have to go by. You get one shot so, I suggest, to make it work for you and don't take it for granted.

Here's another one, You text me and I dont answer in .5 seconds and you think the world is going to end. Uhm, I am a busy girl. I dont sit around looking at my phone. If I dont respond it means I am living my life. Don't tell me you're getting a weird vibe or I am being distant. The world is going on around you. It doesnt stop when I get a text or a call from ANYBODY (except for my daughter) so, be a big boy and stop crying. CHILL OUT. Pick up a hobby.
* Lesson 2: Do not assume and stop being neurotic, while you're at it, pick up a copy of "The Four Agreements" - should help you pass time and learn something.

What about this genius idea? Since you can't get a date with me. - why dont you just go right ahead and try the direct-asshole approach and tell me that we could have fun sexually. Are you FUCKING kidding me? Did you just ask me that? I am going to pretend that this was meant for someone else or you are delusional and out of your mind. Delusions of Grandeur, anybody? If this is what you've gathered from what little exchange we have - time to look within and perhaps see that the problem lies within the fact that you don't have a car, a job and you've lost your mind!
* Lesson 3: set realistic goals - I am out of your reach. KEEP moving, buddy. Get a job and a car and pick up a copy of a book - any book. A magazine is not a book.

Why do men act this way? I am not here to condemn, I am here to inform and help. So, if you are reading this and you feel a tiny pinch inside, dont get mad, get glad. Learn and hone your skills- human skills. I am also not saying that men are the problem. God knows, women are also a pain in the ass and are as hard to decipher as Lady Gaga's choice of wardrobe. But, if we are into you, there will be no need to decipher, there will be no questions, you will see it, hear it, taste it and feel it.

I am a happy girl don't wrinkle my panty by saying inappropriate things, be cool and chill out. After all, it's the end of 2009 and what better way to welcome the year by being open, calm and collected.

Happy, Happy!!

Things, things and more things....

I am sitting here with my best friend, sipping on some hot cocoa and having great conversations about life and love. My mind is wandering because I have a few things that I want to write and add to my blog. It's a culmination of things that happened in the past and things that have been happening in the present and I feel like my head is going to explode if I dont put this down somewhere. Where do I begin? I am having a sudden writers block. Is it panic? Or is it the constant clicking coming from messages from my facebook account? Whatever it is, needs to leave my head because my heart wants to write.
Oh, here's one, today I got an email from a guy - I met him through the dating site. We exchanged a few emails back and forth and then it died. I didn't even remember who he was and had to ask him to refresh my memory. That's how significant those emails were. On to the story. He asked me if I was going to be home because he is headed to my neck of the woods. NOW - this is a mind boggler - guys, take note: WHY DO YOU ASK A WOMAN IF SHE IS AVAILABLE THE SAME DAY??? Have you any etiquette? Do you think that most single women sit around all day waiting for a phone call/email? And, if she were, why would you want to go out with that kind of a woman?? It really bothers me when someone asks me out last minute, it makes me feel so special. You know what else makes me feel special? The fact that he is already headed my way. It would be nice if someone was headed my way to see me, not because he will be in my neighborhood. Do not assume that women (in general) are available last minute, be a gentleman and ask in advance. Trust me on this.
Here's another. When you make plans to meet, SHOW UP. That's a good one. It seems easy enough, right? Not for some -- an hour before I was supposed to meet Mr. Wonderful, he text me a cancellation and listen to this, the text cancellation is just as lame as the excuse he gave me, which was: "I have had a headache since this afternoon and it's not going away, I unfortunately, have to cancel". Wow, why didnt he just say he had to shampoo his hair? Not even a call - a TEXT and he wasn't giving someone a CPR. How old are we? Because last time I checked, I am 31 years old. This guy is a little younger than I am but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, after all, he went to a good school and is in his last year of residency in Med School. So, I text him back and said, it's alright. An hour after, he called me and told me the truth which was, he was embarassed of his acne. I didn't know what to say after that. I felt a twinge of sympathy and relief that perhaps it was a good thing he didnt show up. After all, I didnt want to date a pre-pubescent boy. I see me now, handcuffed and headed to jail. No way.
So, advice number 2: Show up when you say are, acne and all. Stand by your words.
How about this line: "Hey, I'm visiting family and I'm leaving this Saturday, wanna meet tonight?" This line is classy. Any girl should meet up with someone who utters these very words. It's a sign of a great future to come. First of all, he is not even from here and probably just wants to be entertained for the night. Times like these call for places like, Escort services. Do NOT call me. Pay an escort service and get your moneys worth.
I may be single during the Holiday season when it seems the most depressing to be one. But, I tell you this, I would never trade the life I have for a median relationship. I have a full life and I savor every second of it. Everyday, I am honored to have the life that I have. I will never take these moments for granted because they are at the core of who I am. The events that happened in my life lead me to where I am and who I am now. I have nothing but appreciation for the road that lead me here.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me...

This is one is still fresh from my memory and I don't want to lose any moment of it for writing's sake. I must say, I have never had a horrible date, but, this one is my current champion. I suppose, things are bound to go south one way or another. I can't just meet fabulous people all the time. This is one will be remembered for a while if not forever. It definitely made me appreciate the great people I have in my life and made me think of spring cleaning. Clean out the bad and keep the good. Which makes me think? Why do people keep unnecessary things/people in their life and continue to complain about it year after year? Shouldn't we take a more proactive stance and rid ourselves of things that do not serve us? Like this guy that I went on a date with the other night. He is cut off. So - here is my version. If you know him I am sure he has his own. I promise to be as (un)biased as possible. We were set up by my friend and she thought this would be a good match. I was excited because this is not an offspring of my little dating website adventure. It's an actual set up. We decided to meet on my side of town and he was fine with it. I gave him a time and a restaurant and we decided to meet at 7. So, here I was excited and anxious over this date. I had to do a little shopping prior to our rendezvous and was hurrying to make it home in time to shower and get ready, but then he called and told me he was running late and asked if we can change it to 8 to which I obliged. No big deal. So, I went home and took my time, took a nice long, hot shower and got ready slowly. I was up and ready at 755 and was out the door headed to the restaurant. I get there at 8 and there was no sign of him, so I was debating whether I should wait inside or not, but I opted to wait in my car. At around 810pm, I text him and ask how far he is, to which he text back, I'm 15 minutes away. BING! BING! BING! That was red flag number 1. There were many things going through my head as a woman: a. You couldn't call me or text me to tell me you were running more than 5 minutes late to a date that you've already postponed an hour later? b. Do you care to make a good impression at all or do you just want to be your usual deadbeat, scummy self? c. You did not give yourself extra time for things that are unexpected such as this? Those were the few things and some expletives that I need not mention, but you get the idea. So, I summoned myself to be patient and plus I was listening to NPR and was getting into it. After 15 minutes, I get a call from Mr. Perfect and he is asking me directions to this place and so I tried the best I can to help him and he said ok, I'll be there soon. We hang up and I waited some more - 15 more minutes pass and at this point it's 830ish, I call him to check and see where he is and he said he's at this Safeway and is it suppose to be near a tree with lights?! I knew exactly where he was so I told him not to move and I am coming to get him, I drove to where he was and then had him follow me to the restaurant. So, FINALLY! We were seated and menus were handed and everything is cool. Right? WRONG! Mr. Perfect had to decompress from the very traumatic experience of being outside his comfort zone. So, I gave him a few minutes, enough for most normal people with no anger issues. We ordered food and had an OK conversation, not only was he talented with navigation he was also an eloquent conversationalist. This was the most boring exchange I have ever had on a first date. There were a few glimmers of his cheery self in there but they were all under this negative energy that he is projecting my way. He kept looking out the window and sighing and breathing deep, like he just can't seem to get over the fact that he got lost. The date was over before it even began, I thought to myself. Just stay pleasant and be quick with it. There were tons of food left because I was the only one who ate, Mr. Perfect, seemed to upset to eat. We ask to wrap up the rest of the food. The check came and I was chatting with the waitress - whom should have been my date since I had a livelier conversation with her than my actual date because eventhough she had a thick thai accent and it was sometimes hard to decipher what she was saying - her pleasant demeanor and her great zest for life really cheered me up. While this conversation was going on, I saw from the corner of my eye that Mr. Perfect was paying...so, as an etiquette, I reached for my purse and offered to pay some of it, by this time he had already given the server his cash, so I asked him how much to which he responded, 65 dollars -- HOLY SHIT!! I can NOT believe my eyes and my ears that he actually told me the total. So, collect myself and reach for my purse, I reach for two 20 dollar bills and starts handing it to him and then he opens his mouth to tell me, oh, it's actually 45 dollars - at this point of the date, I wanted to pay him all the money I have in my wallet just to get the hell ouf of my site. So, I still hand him the two 20 dollar bills and he looks at me and then looks at the money and then says: 20 is enough and took one of the 20 dollar bill. I almost slapped myself because I thought I was in a nightmare. After, I forced myself into a short shock recovery, I again collected myself and just wanted to go home and wash my face and hang my clothes back up because this was surely a waste of make up and a good outfit. We said goodbye and he headed to his truck and as a last kind thing - directed him to the cliff where he drove himself and died. Oh wait, that isn't what happened in real life, I was thinking that though. I told him to follow my car since I am headed to the same freeway that he would utilize to get home. Oh, did I tell you he took all the left over food with him? What a perfect gentleman.
So, as a conclussion to this, I will say this, Thank you very much, Mr. Perfect for letting me appreciate my friends more, for opening my eyes and helping me see that my exes were not as bad as I thought they were and also, for giving me something to laugh at with my friends. Just for that, the 20 dollars was well worth it. Thank you for such an enlightening night. I hope to never again see your face and never again experience your weird-dumb-as-a-door-knob-angry-douche-bag energy. Because of you, I know that perhaps, people who are not surrendered about the fact that shitty things happen is not for me. I want someone who can let things go and not be so attached to a feeling and let things roll of their back. Because of you I am not the same. I am better than ever.

How many frogs?

I thought my desire to write this blog had been temporarily halted by partial Holiday spirits and other things far more important that are swirling through my head.  Alas! Something happened that made me want to write.  You see, writing/typing is a way for me to express my creative side but it's also an outpouring of sorts.  When a situation doesn't call for tears, it definitely calls for a pen and paper or in my case a laptop and a blog site because it begs to be written somewhere.  It all started off as a joke.  Join a dating site!  What's so bad about that?  Nothing at all, except I didn't want people searching my name and my photo randomly appearing under a dating website.  So, in light of that, I decided I'd join a not-so-mainstream site which I hurriedly told the people that it mattered to, making that point, moot.  Here I am on a Monday night in November, laptop in hand, website on screen, the stage is set. I started typing my information very gingerly being careful to write who I really am but not divulging too much to keep a sense of mystery.   A few paragraphs about who I want to meet, what I like, who I am and 34.99 charged to my debit card later and I am up and running.  It was surreal, exciting and scary, reminds me of the feeling I got when I would go on stage for a dance recital.  Front and center, spotlight on you, there is nowhere to hide.  As I dance my way into people's heartstrings, you ask yourself questions like: Will they like me? Will they understand what I am trying to convey?  All you could do is hope.  I don't even wish for a standing ovation, I just want for people to comprehend the essence of what I am trying to convey through rhythm and body movement. After a few hours, in come responses.  Wow, there are a LOT of single men out there.  I suppose finding a single guy is not the biggest predicament.  The problem lies within finding a guy that understands your dance, your substance and someone whom you are attracted to.  Shit, did I join the wrong site?  Should I join another one?  Maybe, I should double my chances.  Nah, one should be enough...for now. After all, there is no sense of urgency and I think bearing that in mind is what keeps me sane. I have a great life, 2 great careers, a wonderful daughter and an independent spirit. All of this keeps me very busy.  So, meeting someone is not top priority but would be nice.  A cherry on top of my very own version of a Sundae.  My first date from the site, seemed very promising, good career, great photos, seemed like a normal guy and very funny, I LIKE funny more than I like handsome.  We decided to meet.  I suggested a place near where I live and it was rebutted with another suggestion, which I then rebutted again with another suggestion.  I didn't know coordinating a date would be as difficult as a chess match with what seemed to be a Bobby Fischer of dating.  I was trying to meet near my town and all he wanted to do was meet in the city by his house.  Either this guy wants for me to see his house very badly or he hasn't gotten laid in decades and wants me to be his victim.  Well, it is NOT going to happen!  I am not going to bore you with the dinner details.  It was not bad.  He was funny, charming and hot to trot.  He also very impatiently wants to show me his "house" -  So, here's a question I am dying to ask,  why can't successful men just cool it with the "showing of the house" bit?  It isn't like the world is going to end tonight and I will never again see your fabulous place filled with designer furniture and your big-screen-plasma-tricked-out-surround-sound-system-bad-ass TV and your view of the Bay Bridge.  Or is it?  I know you’re successful and you put a lot of effort into making your place as immaculate as your resume and as spotless as your pin stripe suit.  I get it!!  So, why can't you tell me about yourself and connect with me on a human level?  What?  You are incapable of that? Seems to me these days you either get a successful man with no emotions or an emotional man who is broke or worse yet, a broke unemotional wreck of a man.  How's that for a choice?  I think, I'm going to pass.  Makes me wonder, are there any normal, successful, sensitive men left?  Or are they all married or gay?  They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince charming but there's a boat load of frogs out there and not enough prince charming.  Seems to me the ratio of frog to prince is very unfairly tilted to the frog side of the equation.  That said, I am still grateful for these experiences.  Grateful to have this journey that keeps me entertained and laughing.  It makes me a stronger person, with even stronger convictions.  It helps me confront my fears and look at things from a different perspective.  It re-instates in me that being an optimist is what feels right for me.  Life is short, therefore, I strive to be happy.  Next.

...and the adventure begins....

After being in an unhealthy relationship for 3 years, I find myself single. Seeing that the title of this blog is "and the adventure begins" I'm not going to elaborate or discuss that relationship and will focus on my adventures in finding Mr. Right. See, the problem with me sometimes is - I am too nice for my own good. I realize this when I am at the point where I've given and given and feel taken advantage of. I wonder now, is there someone out there who will not take advantage of that genuine "niceness"? I am determined to get to know the real me and cultivate my friendships and family ties while I'm I am not busy being a couple. So, as part of the healing process I've joined a dating website. I thought about it long and hard and I thought it would be a nice distraction and if I dont end up with a relationship, I would have at least met a few people that I would like to be friends with or perhaps people that can enrich my life in some way. Well, I've found that and more. I can't wait to tell it all....and catch up in real time, I would have to work feverishly after work every night to catch up but it would be worth it. This is going to be an awesome and cathartic journey to the bizarre, unknown, quirky, peculiar, funny, intimate look at my love life. Let the festivities begin!!